Curiouser and curiouser.

I have been playing with a new tool for creating things in my life...it is called curiousity.  I discovered a rich dialogue on the subject through my studies in postmodern counseling.  I am thrilled by the idea.  It seems to resolve the inner tension I feel about traditional helpers needing to be an expert to help someone. 

I don't want to be totally responsible for other people.  I want to create relationships which can hold change for everyone involved, including me.  What kind of counselor is static and unmoved by the person who sits across for her?  It feels too controling and seems to discount the value of the other person.  Having curiousity about that person can become contagious, perhaps they will develop a curiosity about themselves.  That leads to one of the most powerful mindsets for change...the mindset of What if....

What if I did this or that instead?  What if I didn't hurt anymore?  What if I chose love instead of fear?  What if I chose to take care of myself today instead of worrying?  What if I tried to paint? What if I wasn't so angry with him all the time?  What if my body was my teacher?  What if I forgave myself for that?  What if.... What if... What if.....

It is like a Kohan. It develops the muscle of inner wisdom and gives our spirit something to toy with.

This stance of curiousity is liberating to me.  I wonder what might happen if others were curious?

Rae

I have stepped out of the hectic, pushing world of have-to or you'll have-not and I have chosen to listen even more deeply to my heart.  I am pulled by the changes in the world to quiet the murmuring of inner guidance for the dream hushing power of fear. Our world and its people are in pain.  The guy on NPR is talking ecomony and he is not a happy man. 

I want to walk away from the pack-it-in lifestyle of running and going.  I want to slow down so I can dig into what is important.  And what is that?  I want to stop long enough to find out.

Really being in community matters to me.....communion.

I saw a bit of it today in my student's eyes.  His homeroom teacher told him he was going to drop out.  He hints around to the other kids that he is stupid.  Is he fishing for a compliment... should I just let it go?  I make a big deal out of it.  I feel like this is the time in his life when someone has to make a big deal about the greatness in him to drown out the voice of discontent that grows like a weed from the rotten seed she planted in his mind.  My voice will be louder than hers and I will put his success out there between him and me so that it can't be ignored.  Every time I see him, I remind him of who he is. He is a big boy...fifth grade.  About to become a young man, but he cries because he fears he will miss me over the summer.  I hand him over to mom and dad and cry as I walk away.  He has made me stretch in the same way I am asking him to.  Together we are becoming all we can be.  The great  circle goes round.

This summer will be about connecting in more real ways.  I will start doing more massage, touching hearts while I work on bodies and help to lift spirits.  Some day I will be a counselor. My studies inspire me.  I am changing everyday I am in school, investing in myself and in my contributions to those I will collaborate with in the future.  The circle spirals onward.  And today...like everyday...I am made new.

Rae